Enduring Sins
by Sora W.T.K
Summary: They say time heals all wounds. But for one wolf, past sins continue to assault his thoughts and psyche.


**"First and foremost, be faithful to your superiors, keep all promises, refuse the friendship of all who are not like you; and if you have made a mistake, do not be afraid of admitting the fact and amending your ways." - Kung Fu-tzu Confucius (c. 551-c. 479 BC)**

* * *

Two months have passed...

Ever since the events of Gongmen City and his miraculous return from the dead he has chosen a life of isolation, the life of a lone wolf. Be it either out of shame, out of guilt, out of some deep seeded belief that he didn't belong anywhere else in the world. Only he himself knew.

For the next couple of months he made a living as best he could, steering clear of cities and pockets of civilization that may recognize him. As far as he was concerned no one wanted to deal or come face to face with Lord Shen's right-hand man. In hindsight he didn't blame them.

His past was checkered with many sins he would love nothing more than to forget. From robberies to plunder and murder, you name it. For someone who was once a guard of Gongmen City you'd think his past would be the filled with pride and honor, but you couldn't be further from the truth.

But from the many atrocities he committed what struck him the most was his reward for realizing his mistakes and turning against the monster he once considered his friend.

Even now, every time he closes his eye, he can still see them. He could feel the burning torch in his paw, his eye wide as he watched Lord Shen's army – _his pack_, scrambling all over the fleet in a desperate struggle to repel the Dragon Warrior and the Furious Five. His heart was beating furiously against his chest as he tried to come up with a plan. Anything that would help them turn the tide of battle to their favor.

Then Lord Shen commanded him to fire the cannon at the opposition. He thought twice on that. If he opened fire not only would there be a slim chance they'd survive, but his entire army would be killed by their own friendly fire. He warned his master, but the albino peacock wouldn't hear it, and ordered him again to fire.

It was at that moment that he realized the once-friendly peacock who he considered his best friend was long gone. He no longer cared about him or the army that so loyally served him. All the blood they shed for him, it no longer mattered. The horrible fact suddenly swarmed over him as he realized that everything was for nothing, and the loyalty he had for him fizzled. His dedication and pride over his pack dwarfed his loyalty for the peacock.

They say karma can be a cruel cruel lady. He found that out the hard way the instant he defied his master's order. It was numb at first, but a second later after Lord Shen's knives struck his body the pain began, the unbearable burning agony that jarred his thoughts and sense. That was only just the beginning. As he fell overboard and the darkness began to slowly overtake him he saw a glimpse of an image that would forever be burned in his mind's eye.

The image of Lord Shen firing the main cannon himself on his pack and at the heroes of the Jade Palace.

He didn't know how he came to survive after that. His memory was foggy at best. He was sure he was dead after hitting the water. All he could remember was going in and out of consciousness. First he'd be floating in the water desperately clinging onto debris. The next he'd be on solid ground, being dragged away from the water canal and leaving behind a trail of red as he bled out. After that he lost track of time and memory, he couldn't remember where he exactly regained consciousness, or even bring up a face of the individual who for some reason decided to save his hide.

But what he _did_ remember was dragging his half-dead body back to Gongmen City under false hope that his pack, anyone who survived, would be waiting for him. When he arrived though he was greeted by the haunting sight of a ruined city and wrecked ships in the city harbor. It made his blood run cold seeing his former home in shambles, and it struck him right in the heart that he had a hand in all this.

The sight of the wrecked ships was clear message that Lord Shen's ambitions never made it off the city. He was either imprisoned, or worse. But also it carried an even ominous message to him. His pack was last seen there; on the biggest ship in the fleet that now lay wrecked and sunk in the harbor. There was a heavy tug at his heart; his eye began to sting as his legs shook. Call it instinct, or a symbiotic connection one could only develop by belonging to a pack, but he didn't need to turn the ruined city upside down to know that his pack was gone. They're all gone. He was the lone survivor of the Gongmen City siege.

He fell on his knees. The clouds in the sky parted ways to reveal a full moon. It illuminated the ruined city and on the grieving survivor. He snarled in anger as he clutched the ground in his forming fists, and then threw his head skyward to let out a loud mourning howl.

Zhengjiu woke up with a horrified gasp. He panted for breath as he held his chest from his furiously beating heart. Even now after a couple of months he still couldn't shake away the nightmares. He was still shackled to his past no matter how hard he tried to move on.

He looked up at the sound of the pouring rain assaulting the roof of the abandoned ruins he calls home. It's been like this for several days now, and it made his hunting for food more difficult than it already is. Not much wildlife roamed in this weather.

The next sixty days after that night foresaw a change in him. He had shed away his status as a guard of Gongmen City, threw away his identity as Lord Shen's most trusted soldier. He buried his past as best he could, and survived as the wolf he was. He never resorted to thievery or any of his old savage ways again, even if it meant going hungry for days.

He got to his feet with a groan and walked to the edge of the house. He leaned against the pillar and watched the rain fall, unable to reflect on anything but the fresh images of the nightmare. This area of the swamp made it easy for him to call sanctuary. It was well out of the way from any well-known paths, and not many dared to venture away from the beaten path this far out.

Unfortunately for him the place was instantly recognizable despite the many years of neglect. This was the exact location where everything started for him – the ruined village of the Pandas.

Zhengjiu stared at the vacant lot in front of the ruined home. At first it was difficult to realize it, but after a close survey in the first few days he noticed that was the spot where he lost his eye. He'll never forget that moment of agony when that one panda's rake struck him in the face, scarring his face and eye. The massacre was an odd request from the young prince himself, but his fierce loyalty to the peacock prevented him from questioning his motives. Not after how terrified he was of whatever bothered him.

He probably should've noticed that as the first sign that he was going down a path of no return.

Picking up his hammer from the floor Zhengjiu walked into the pouring rain toward the vacant lot. He was wide awake now and there was no chance on him falling asleep any time soon. Perhaps if he tires himself out a bit he could sleep.

He slung the hammer over his shoulder and slid his legs apart in a stance, one paw wrapped firmly around the hammer's handle and his other paw held up in front of him, two digits up as if measuring and keeping at a distance an imaginary opponent. He took a steady deep breath and charged forward, leaping with a flying spinning kick before landing perfectly on one foot and using the momentum to swing his hammer around and slam the heavy weapon onto the ground.

Despite keeping himself busy sparring with his imaginary opponent Zhengjiu's mind was still reeling into the past. Things only got worse after the village massacre. They were kicked out from their positions as guards of Gongmen City, and then exiled from the city itself. It was their darkest hour, but he remained with them, as loyal as ever. And as such, they remained loyal themselves to him.

He took a deep breath as he held the handle on the buried hammer. He gripped the handle tightly and used it as leverage to spin himself on it for a high kick. He hoisted the hammer over his shoulder again and with a heavy grunt he hurled the heavy weapon across the lot, slamming the ground with a heavy thud.

They became thieves, murderers, and more, monsters. Robbing food to survive and anything metal they could get their paws on for their master's agenda for revenge. They became the complete antithesis of what they once stood for as guards of Gongmen City. They degraded into common criminals, bandits. But Zhengjiu found himself not caring, not after the exile. Lord Shen was still with them, he was kind to them, and he was dependent on them. He needed them. Zhengjiu wanted to make him happy, to repay him for the kindness he's shown to him and his pack over the years. The feeling was mutual for the whole pack. He had no regrets.

However, over the years, that slowly changed. And it wasn't until the Siege of Gongmen City, when the peacock's armada was operational, did it all came together and crashed in over his head. It took all but one decision – one command, to turn his views of the exiled prince over their heads. A revelation that shattered everything he believed in.

Zhengjiu shook his head, wanting the flashbacks to stop. He charged and jumped into the air, spinning his body around like a top before lashing out with his foot, kicking a bamboo he had failed to notice. He howled from the jarring blow and fell to the ground into a mud puddle as the bamboo cracked and toppled over from the jarring kick. He snarled from the pulsing pain in his ankle and spat out mud that got into his mouth.

"Darn it," he growled as he tightened his fists. "Why...Why did you do it, Lord Shen…We trusted you." He punched the ground, driving his knuckles into the mud. "I trusted you. I promised you my loyalty and you..." He punched the ground again. "You would rather fire at your own men..." Another punch. "_My pack_, all to kill that stupid-" He headbutted the ground, "fat-" And again, "cuddly-" One more time, "_panda!_"

He struck the ground with his head again and left it in the mud. A few seconds later Zhengjiu raised his head off the ground, his face caked with mud and tears flowing down his eye as he choked back the sobs. He couldn't cry, couldn't show weakness. But then again what did it matter now? His pack was gone. He was no longer the alpha wolf. Nobody would judge him if he broke. Nobody...but himself.

"You became a monster. And we...We fell along with you. We became nothing but your pawns in the end. Now everyone's gone. You, my pack…And myself..."

The wolf slowly rose to his feet and limped a bit as he walked toward his hammer. He grabbed the handle and shifted it up to retrieve it. He paused before he moved it. Guilt was wrenching his heart. He had allowed Lord Shen's sins plague his mind so much he forgot the young prince he used to be; the caring one who would often sneak out of the palace to feed and play with him and his pack. That was the Lord Shen he should remember and love, not dwell on the tyrant he had become.

He hoisted the hammer over his shoulder and made his way into the swamp. The pouring rain had slowed into a drizzle, but mud was everywhere, and made his short trip tedious. Thankfully he didn't have to go far.

The small lake became visible up ahead after a short climb up a hill. The rain had increased its size threefold, but Zhengjiu had added that to the equation the first time he came here. In front of the small lake stood three boulders, each one of a perfect shape. Zhengjiu dedicated quite a lot of his time for these three perfectly-shaped rocks.

Their purposes were special. They were marked graves.

Zhengjiu knelt to one knee and set his hammer down next to him. He looked at each grave and ran his paw over the one to the left. His fingers grazed the Chinese characters he carved on it.

The characters read _"Jie vi shiong di." _Translated: Sworn brothers.

Below them were other characters. _"Jyr ss buy u." _Translated: Remain faithful until death.

Zhengjiu took a deep breath to calm his aching heart, a whimper escaping through his lips. "Rest in peace and bliss, my brothers, my sisters. Forgive me. I survived while none of you did. Without any of you by my side I...I feel so weak..."

He moved his eye to the grave on the far right. The Chinese characters carved on the boulder simply read _"nien jio."_ Translated: Cherish old friendship.

"Rest in peace, Lord Shen," he said with a quivering voice, blocking out the unpleasant memories in favor of more favorable recollections. "I hope you find more peace and comfort in death, than you did in life."

Finally his eye settled on the boulder in the middle. This grave was bigger than the other two, marking the resting place of more than a pack or a lost soul. It marked the resting place of an entire village, massacred over the fears of one lone individual and his loyal followers. Zhengjiu rested his paw over the grave and ran his fingers over the engraving.

There was only one character: _"Shu." _Translated: Forgiveness.

"Pandas..." Zhengjiu's eye watered again, this time he didn't hold the tears at bay. The faces of countless pandas flashed through his mind, recalling their horrified faces as their forces descended upon them. "I can't express how remorseful I am for the massacre I've lead to you all. Even after all these years, I still don't think I fully understand why Lord Shen sent us to slaughter your kind. I only wish I could take back what we did."

He rubbed his paw over the writing on the stone, repeating to himself what the Chinese character means. As he spoke he slowly broke down again, clutching the grave in his paws like a sort of life line. "I...Don't expect to have your forgiveness, but please hear me out. I'm...So very sorry about what my pack and I have done. I'm so...So so sorry..."

He remained by the graves for half an hour, paying his respects and praying for peace of mind. In the end he only felt slightly better; the weight on his shoulders now a lesser burden. Dragging his hammer behind him Zhengjiu returned to the ruined home. The rain had begun to intensify once again during his visit to the grave site. He never was a spiritual or religious wolf, but he wondered if the heavens were mourning along with him. He liked to think it was his pack, or a remorseful Lord Shen, perhaps both. Or maybe...Just maybe, the pandas have heard his apologies.

He shook his fur dry once inside the dry home and returned to his bedding. This shelter won't last forever. He'll soon have to consider in moving on, find new shelter and set his life straight, back on track. But for now he simply closed his eye and allowed his mind to wander back to the old days for some comfort as he slowly drifted off to sleep, back when he was a proud guard watching over Gongmen City, back when life was much simpler with his pack, with Lord Shen and his royal family. Back to the days he wished to return...


End file.
